Current Mood: Contemplative
Music Playing: John Mayer, Room For Squares
Strangely, after saying my final goodbye just a few days ago, I came home to an episode of Sex And The City, where Carrie was wondering why it’s so hard to stay friends with ex’s that you were in love with, and so she asked the question, “When people fall in love, and then they break up, where does the love go?” This question could quite possibly be one of the great wonders of the world…
When you fall in love, no matter how many times you’ve done it before, you always have the expectation that this new love could be your last, and when it turns out not to be, you are trampled yet again underneath the unforgiving foot of the love god’s. Often time’s love disappears even before the break-up. Often, people’s daily lives full of stress and routine affect the depth of love, and how you deal with these changes directly affects where the love will go. The stress of life can take a toll on any good relationship, we get so wrapped up in ourselves, that we forget and neglect the one thing we love the most, our partner. Frustration mounts because things aren’t like they used to be anymore and each party blames and accuses the other for the deterioration of love. Before you know it, love becomes a mixture of negative habits that tend to overshadow the positives in your relationship. The one thing that often leads to a failed relationship is communication; all other things can be perfect, but if a couple is not capable of communicating their frustrations during this period of stress and blame, then there is no solution, there is only an end. It’s no surprise that the more a couple struggles with their daily routine, the more they push away their partner, which inevitably leads to a break up. One thing all couples need to realize is the importance of addressing an issue like this, because the love is still there, you just don’t know how to weed out all the other crap to find it again. You have to be willing to say, “I’m frustrated” or, “I’m not happy,” because if you don’t do that, the relationship will without a doubt end. ALL couples go through rough patches, you just have to figure what to do to repair so you can re-energize.
When you are in a long-term committed relationship, break-ups don’t just happen with a snap of the fingers. Though we all wish it could be so easy, break-ups take awhile to go through, and it takes awhile to get over that love. Sometimes people find new love relatively quickly, and the new Mr. or Mrs. Right make it easier to forget about the emotional draining process of forgetting their ex, but in reality, they aren’t entirely over their previous love; it doesn’t take a new person to heal, in fact, it can turn out to be a very ruinous experiment. We need time for ourselves, and distracting ourselves with someone else does not heal wounds. We need to wrestle with our emotions before we can feel better again, before we can really accept new love. As cliché as it is, it has always been said that you need something like 3 months of healing for every year you were together, but somehow, people still find the ability to move on even before the thoughts of their past love are out of their head. Is the love really gone or are they just hiding from it because it feels better to be loved again, then not at all? After one month, one year, or one century, where does the love go? Someone once said that trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met. When you love someone, especially to the point of marriage or planning your life with them, when they go away, the love will forever remain a part of you. Is that to say that should they return to your life that you are capable of love with them again? Not necessarily, going back to Sex And The City, Carrie tries to make a “friend date” with Big, when Big has already moved on and is engaged to supermodel, Natasha. She finds that just being friends with him is difficult because there is already a “replacement” after her. It is in this moment when we see love return, it had been hidden somewhere inside, but when we realize that we have been replaced, we realize how much we still love our ex. When love re-emerges does it make us realize what we’ve lost and start to feel doubt and guilt about losing our ex? Possibly, but you can’t ask questions when your past love has already moved on.
Does love move onto the next partner? No, for each new partner, there is a different love; love is not one constant, never changing feeling; and so, though there is a new love, it is not the love you had before, that love is still inside of you, it has just been pushed further down to make room for new love. In the end, the person that is single ends up getting burned because they thought that their ex must have been going through the same turmoil as they had, but when there’s already someone new, everything becomes dishonest and hurtful.
They say that you need a full month or more of no communication to be fully over an ex, or to make you realize that you’ve made a huge mistake… But sometimes it doesn’t matter how much time is taken, healing takes a lot of work, and some people just handle it better then others; some find solace in friends, some in new love. Getting back to the question at hand, where does the love go? It comes and goes, it never leaves, but it also never stays, when you can stop hurting, stop questioning, stop hoping, the love can finally go into remission; now I say remission because as I said before, it never fully goes away, it’s much like a cancer that can come and go without warning; it can come on a song, in a smell, in a movie, and it always comes on anniversaries… But eventually with time, there are new songs and smells and movies that camouflage the others. Love wears many masks; it takes the form of hate and despair, of loneliness and envy, and in the end love becomes just a memory, all be it a very long memory...
