Current Mood: Curious
Music Playing: OneRepublic, Dreaming Out Loud
Well, once again the great Carrie Bradshaw has inspired another blog entry. I have started to get back into the dating game, just barely putting my toes in the water because I don’t want to get in too deep for fear of sharks or drowning. In the final Sex And The City episode, her last words summarize the whole philosophy of the series: “I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you, you love, well, that's just fabulous.”
It got me to thinking about starting a new relationship and what it will be like. For the first time, well probably ever, I've found myself in a position where I have options... Three completely different and unique girls; each intrigues me in a different way. Lets play the dating game! Bachelorette number one, the girl I've been spending the most time with; she's everything that Megan isn’t but in a good way, but there are also a few very important pieces that are missing. To draw upon Carrie’s quote on relationships, even though this girl and I are not dating exclusively, there are too many questions coming up, too many red flags, and that’s just not working for me. Bachelorette number two seems more like Megan, she’s even an herbivore; which isn’t all bad, but I do love my meat. And lastly bachelorette number three, long distance; enough said, but that could be just want I need, she could bring me to somewhere unexpected… I guess what I’m looking for is a little bit of everything; I want something new but familiar at the same time and something that takes me to a new place, but back to where my heart started, a hopeless romantic looking for love’s last great romance. I spent 3 1/2 years with Megan, so the chances of falling into another relationship that feels like it did with her are highly unlikely; other then during our moments of frustration, to me at least, we were an exemplary model of a great romance. One of the biggest annoyances guys have in relationships is that the woman is always trying to change them; it could be something simple or something major, and sometimes things do need to be changed, but like Carrie says, if you find someone to love the you that you love, well that’s just fabulous! (Even though I loathe the word fabulous, but I’ll let that one slide because she has been the muse for two of my blogs) I thought that Megan was that person, she did have her grievances about me, as did I of her, but I thought we were mature enough, and loved each other to accept those things and move on, but apparently somewhere along the way, she changed and didn’t tell me. Dating is such a cumbersome task; it takes a solid month of steadily dating someone just to get to the point where you feel like you know them and can begin to trust them; at least four to six months to potentially be in love with them, sometimes longer… and a good year and a half to two years to feel 100% trust and feel totally comfortable in your relationship. But perhaps comfort is a bad thing; maybe being comfortable keeps you desensitized from the reality of your relationship and realizing the immensity that you have in front of you and you just assume that because you’re in love, you are untouchable. Then in a whirlwind you find yourself single, depressed, and living at mom’s house again… I thought I had a future with Megan, I was pretty sure she was the girl I was going to marry; now I hate her… Love hurts, but sometimes it’s a good hurt (Incubus) . But now, moving on, a stronger person, I wonder about these girls and if any of them have the potential to be that new, exciting relationship. At four months out, I’m ready to date other people, not entirely over Megan, she still pop’s up in my dreams; looking stunningly beautiful and is completely irresistible and I hate her for that too. So here I am, enjoying that idea of “courting,” but wondering what that spark feels like, and when will I be able to feel it again? Is it too soon to feel that spark, or is it an elusive thing; Eros’ unicorn? Are we destined to date people that make us feel one way? An old and familiar, a new and exotic, one to make us ask questions, one to bring you somewhere unexpected, one to bring you far from where you started, or one to bring you back? And of those, which is going to give us the future happiness we look for? Or is there a relationship that exists that has a combination of these different styles of relationships? And if there is, maybe that is what makes the best relationships so intriguing, and that’s why they are the most challenging and significant. Anyway, I’ve digressed in several different directions, and the answers just aren’t there. All the very cliché people in the world will say, you’ll know when you feel it, but then there are the cynics, like myself (all-be-it a romantic cynic) who wants to say, “I already felt it, and the bitch broke my heart!” I got to tell you, I really admire the people that are able to move beyond a great love and be able find one that is even better; that seems so inconceivable to me at this point but I have to continue to believe that the heart of life is good and that there is that someone that will love the you that you love. I just wish she was easier to find…
