Current Mood: Confused
Music Playing: Postal Service, Give Up
If in our dreams all rules are suspended, why then do our dreams not work in our favor? If it is our own unconscious creating these fantastical stories, then you would think that all our dreams would turn out better. But I'm sure I can speak on behalf of the majority of people in saying that we wish we had control over our dreams; but it is as if we have been tied down, forced to watch a really bad movie. So as we lay asleep, our unconscious ruling over the twists and turns of our reverie, manifesting all the things that eat at our minds and pull at our heart strings in the real world, we just sit there, allowing it to happen, even if we know it doesn't feel right. I like the argument that dreams are just a glimpse into reality, and are in fact our deep desires and that certain things that happen and appear in your dreams are symbols that are supposed to tell you something, but how are you supposed to believe those things when in reality all you want to do is forget the "bad" dreams. Why is it that the "bad" dreams are the ones that seem to stick with us the most? Is it because they are the most important? Are they are telling us something that we need to know and understand? Defining what constitutes a "bad" dream and a "good" one is debatable... Over the past month or so I have been thoroughly enjoying life; spending time with friends, visiting friends in places never explored and even becoming rather smitten with a new girl in my life...I really can't remember the last time I felt this good about life, and just happy. I would probably have to look back to when Megan and I first started dating to feel that sort of emotion, but the funny thing about this feeling as compared to that one, is that with Megan, she was what was making my life so much happier, but right now its as if everything is embracing me and helping me move forward and heal my wounds. Anyway...I digress...back to the subject at hand...dreams...So over this past month, despite being happy and getting over Megan, I can't seem to stop dreaming about her. I do in fact hate her and find myself in a position currently better off without her, but why does my mind persist in dreaming about her? Don't get me wrong, I was madly in love with her, but I'm not anymore, nor do I care to be, so why do my dreams torture me with scenes of frolicking, kissing, and loving this girl that I want so desperately to put in my past? These dreams though happy in their nature, torment me, and when I wake I can't help but think about her no matter how hard I try. I would much rather have a dream about getting mowed over by a semi then have another dream that makes me think about how much I miss her, especially during these holiday seasons. If dreams are supposed to take place in a very brief time period, how are we supposed to remember them at all? It is as if dreams happen in fast forward and when we wake up we can only remember pieces that we saw as it happened. But even if I don't remember what happened in the dream, I remember her face, and that alone is enough... I don't know that I ever will be able to forget that face... I tell myself its better this way, there are much better women out there, and remind myself of all the things I didn't like about her, and how she gave up and killed a good romance and yet she finds her way into my dreams and we act just as happy and in love as I remembered us to be. Is this supposed to be my unconscious telling me that I'm not over her yet, that I still love her, or is it telling me that it shouldn't be over yet, and that we should still be together? Or is it simply a very lighthearted nightmare that doesn't leave you in a cold sweat but instead leaves you in tears...
