Current mood: Restless
Music playing: Justin Nozuka Holly
Has it really been like three months since my last blog? Amazing how life can fly by when you're so busy. I've spent the first month of my summer break enjoying life, but one thing I told myself I needed to get back into was writing, after all, that's what I am, and what kind of writer doesn't write?
I’ve had a lot of things to ponder about over the past three months, so much so that I had a hard time narrowing something down and focusing so as not to go off on multiple tangents. With that being said, lets begin, shall we?
“Be still, sad heart, and cease repining; behind the clouds the sun is shining; thy fate is the common fate of all, into each life some rain must fall, some days must be dark and dreary.” (Henry Wadsworth)
Do we need distance in order to get close?
There is not a simple answer to this question, but as the saying goes, you can’t see the forest for the trees; sometimes when you are close, you have to back up and gain some perspective in order to get close again. Stripping down the "relationship" customs could potentially allow you to become closer because there are no eggshells to walk on. When you begin to date someone, there is a lot of pressure put upon you to do, say, and feel certain things. You are in a situation where you must be open with that person, but you often don’t say things in fear of making waves. When you establish a friendship first, you can get to know each other without any constraints or inhibitions. Often times (I can speak from experience) your first relationship after dating can become troublesome because you are too guarded and so there are a lot of things that you neglect to say. You become so guarded after getting burned; you can't let yourself in to your new partner. It’s an exciting feeling to be back dating and have those butterflies come back, and have zealous emotions when you see that special someone, but you have to sloooooow dooooown! Your heart is saying jump right in, it feels great, but your heart and head are always going to be in conflict with each other, and you have to listen to your head sometimes… Charlotte Bronte once said, "Look twice before you leap." I say, look three times. You have to be cautious, your heart is to precious a thing to throw out there and allow to be exposed.
Is it possible to move from relationship, to friends, and back into a relationship? Of course, everything happens for a reason and timing is everything, “Everything comes gradually at its appointed hour.” (Ovid) Perhaps being friends is the best thing that you can do in order to get back to being in a relationship. Distancing the romance could create a new romance in the future. If there was a spark in the beginning, that spark will remain until you put it out; but you can’t very well sustain that spark when your head and your heart aren’t ready to emotionally invest themselves in it.
After mourning the loss of a relationship, you try to find the motivation to look and feel better and when you finally do, you can’t wait to give yourself to someone new. The reality is, you may not be ready for that. Starting a new relationship will either breath life back into your heart or freak you the fuck out! It can feel great to be back in a relationship, it can make you realize that there are people far better out there. But on the other hand if you jump in too soon, it can fuck with your head and heart, so that neither are making the right decisions. Intimacy on a romantic level too soon after a break up may only remind you of your ex instead of being a great new feeling with a new person. Every person needs time to himself or herself, time to be single, time to try and forget. I have found it is in fact better to establish an intimate relationship with someone on a friendship level before jumping into intimacy on a romantic level. This is a difficult thing to do, and somewhere down the road, I will probably eat my own words. But building a friendship is a form of distance, because as I said, there are is no pressure, you can express the real you more and as time progresses, you will be more willing to open up to each other, because there isn’t the pressure to fulfill expectations as a lover. An open heart is dangerous. You should be guarded, you have every right to be. Being guarded is actually doing you a favor so that when you get comfortable with someone, you can strip down that wall and then when it comes to romance, everything falls into place.
“Each man is the architect of his own fate.” (Appius Claudius- Roman Statesmen) Fate will run its course properly regardless of what happens, but its all dependent on what you do. If you were meant to date, then you will, and you’ll know that you are and act on it. But on the other hand, your experiences could simply be a lesson learned to store in your memory bank about what to do and what not to do for the next time.
