Playing Hard to Get When All you Want to do is Get Caught

Current mood: pensive

Music playing: John Mayer Where The Light Is





"The art of love... is largely the art of persistence." -Albert Ellis (psychologist)


Struck with the dilemma of what to do now, I found myself pondering my options: just keep doing what you're doing; step it up a notch; take a chance and say something; or... play hard to get... I've never been very good at the whole "hard to get" game cause the fact of the matter is, the majority of the time I don't mind being caught. I don't understand why there must be game playing involved in courtship. It would seem as though such trivialities would inevitably cause more problems then are necessary. I'm not a game player, nor will I ever be, but is now perhaps as good of a time as any to start? I've stuck with the keep doing what you're doing idea and have heavily pondered the up a notch and saying something options, but I find myself tedious to do either. Then I think about playing hard to get. Would I even know what to do if started to play this game? It's one thing to ignore someone, but how long do you ignore and how does one act when the ignoring stops. Then I thought, does playing hard to get ever really work? Does anyone actually succeed in getting what he or she wants that way? I know for me personally, if the playing went on for too long, I think I would eventually give up, because I would find it not worth my time to chase what at the time seems unattainable. It’s in our human nature to desire what we can't have. That got me to thinking... who's to say I can't have it if I really want it? I want what I think I can have. If I've had it before, doesn't that make it all the more attainable? I think I can, I think I can, I think I can... But I should ignore her...? That's going to make her like me more? Odd... Supposedly, by playing hard to get, you're demonstrating your "value." I'm sorry, wouldn't being charming and available among other things show my "value?" Someone once said love isn't about the things you say, it’s about gestures. It's the little things, and little things are needed right? Not ignoring? Mystery and aloofness is a turn off for me. I want to see and feel the attraction from her. Persistence is a value for me. Showing and being shown a desire to have something is what works for me.
When it comes to food, most humans enjoy both comfort and trying new things; experiencing new flavors, sensations, overall experiences. The same can be said for dating; I've had nearly the last year to be single. I mingled and enjoyed my new flavors and sensations. Everything from casual dating, dates with random girls I just met a few hours before, sex on a fur rug, really bad sex and getting back into the game with girls that have potential. In the end, I enjoyed these new experiences, but I've had my fill, and I'm looking for my comfort food. In case you haven't noticed, I'm a bit of a romantic (if you haven't figured that out, you need to read some of my previous blogs). I like the feeling of being in a relationship; I love to make someone feel special and have them make me feel special in return. It's not even about the sex either, it’s the companionship that enjoy; that, I got your back kind of love! Not that I don't have that with some of my best friends, but that’s when it comes full circle...and well I do love me a naked woman... Who doesn't right? It's the companionship that makes life worth living, but having sex with that companion is what makes life special. Think for a moment about what it would be like to live a life without love and companionship...
D. H. Lawrence once said, "Those that go searching for love, only manifest their own loveless-ness. And the loveless never find love, only the loving find love. And they never have to seek for it." I have only been in love once, and I didn't go searching for it, it found me, and once again I find myself in position with a girl who just appeared. Could it be love? Who knows, but I'm not about to fuck it up by playing hard to get!

Love Patterns...

Current mood: Fuzzy

Music playing: Jason Mraz We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things





In the game of life, what kind of love pattern do we fall into? Sometimes it seems as though no matter what, we go through spells of similarities. I don't just mean in relationships with a significant other either, it could be a relationship with a friend or family member as well. But some how, we end up having relationships go the same way, for example; getting dumped the same way, or finding new relationships the same way. I was thinking about the patterns we fall into, what kind of love do we fall into more often then not?
There are those of us who have love lost too often to count, it seems as though we lose touch with friends too often, family members either pass away, move away or fall out of touch with you. This pattern seems to find its way into your love life as well. Each new relationship seems great and beautiful but is inevitably destined to fall victim to a series of shortcomings and eventually ends. Getting so wrapped up in the losses, it’s hard to see and comprehend when love is gained, even if it’s in the form of a new friend.
Then there are those who have love gained. Love seems to find them around every corner, which isn't necessarily a good thing. It is my contention that the love of too many people is bad for your ego. If you go around feeling too high, there will be inescapable moments that send you crashing back to earth. It has been said that you always learn a lesson from your last relationship and break up, but when there are too many to speak of, the lessons kind of blur all into one giant nothingness, because in reality you really haven't learned any lesson. Because, although the love has been gained, it somehow, unavoidably ends in the pattern of love lost.
Then there are those of us who have fantasized about love their whole life. One instance would be the unfortunate social pariah. Other then the love of their family, they have yet to feel the honest love of a friend or lover. Their heart aches and screams for affection, but their pleas are unfortunately, rarely answered. But you don't have to be a pariah to not experience love. There are plenty of us out in the world who would consider themselves, well, we'll use the politically correct term, "dating challenged." Somehow, despite the love of friends and family members, this group struggles to find their dates and their “other half”. Without any confidence, they find themselves in a slippery slope of a dry spell and dream of the day that they find Mr/Ms Right.
There are countless other patterns that one falls into, such as falling too quickly for someone and then having it end quickly, falling in love too quickly, and having the love not reciprocated, not experiencing a connection at all, simply playing the game of chase to satisfy sexual needs. The list goes on, unfortunately, we are a species of patterns and routines. We like things to feel the same and comfortable, so we go with what we know, rather then what is always best. We get in the routine of doing the same thing, each time, and can't break out of that pattern.
For the lucky, there is love realized; this in the penultimate achievement. It's the realization of a combination of the love yourself, a mutual love from friends and family, and the love from a significant other. This is not a pattern that one falls into, rather a series of going through the patterns previously mentioned, that eventually leads you to a conclusion. But the key love, is that of love realized for yourself. Before you can fully appreciate the love of others, you have to appreciate the love of yourself.
Unfortunately, some of us are never able to break out of these patterns. Some of us are destined to be in search of Mr/Ms Right, while continuing to date, Mr/Ms Wrong. Others will forever be searching through the looking glass to what seems like a world not of their own, wondering if they will ever be accepted into what seems like a foreign sorority.

Do we need distance in order to get close?

Current mood: Restless

Music playing: Justin Nozuka Holly

Has it really been like three months since my last blog? Amazing how life can fly by when you're so busy. I've spent the first month of my summer break enjoying life, but one thing I told myself I needed to get back into was writing, after all, that's what I am, and what kind of writer doesn't write?

I’ve had a lot of things to ponder about over the past three months, so much so that I had a hard time narrowing something down and focusing so as not to go off on multiple tangents. With that being said, lets begin, shall we?

“Be still, sad heart, and cease repining; behind the clouds the sun is shining; thy fate is the common fate of all, into each life some rain must fall, some days must be dark and dreary.” (Henry Wadsworth)


Do we need distance in order to get close?


There is not a simple answer to this question, but as the saying goes, you can’t see the forest for the trees; sometimes when you are close, you have to back up and gain some perspective in order to get close again. Stripping down the "relationship" customs could potentially allow you to become closer because there are no eggshells to walk on. When you begin to date someone, there is a lot of pressure put upon you to do, say, and feel certain things. You are in a situation where you must be open with that person, but you often don’t say things in fear of making waves. When you establish a friendship first, you can get to know each other without any constraints or inhibitions. Often times (I can speak from experience) your first relationship after dating can become troublesome because you are too guarded and so there are a lot of things that you neglect to say. You become so guarded after getting burned; you can't let yourself in to your new partner. It’s an exciting feeling to be back dating and have those butterflies come back, and have zealous emotions when you see that special someone, but you have to sloooooow dooooown! Your heart is saying jump right in, it feels great, but your heart and head are always going to be in conflict with each other, and you have to listen to your head sometimes… Charlotte Bronte once said, "Look twice before you leap." I say, look three times. You have to be cautious, your heart is to precious a thing to throw out there and allow to be exposed.

Is it possible to move from relationship, to friends, and back into a relationship? Of course, everything happens for a reason and timing is everything, “Everything comes gradually at its appointed hour.” (Ovid) Perhaps being friends is the best thing that you can do in order to get back to being in a relationship. Distancing the romance could create a new romance in the future. If there was a spark in the beginning, that spark will remain until you put it out; but you can’t very well sustain that spark when your head and your heart aren’t ready to emotionally invest themselves in it.

After mourning the loss of a relationship, you try to find the motivation to look and feel better and when you finally do, you can’t wait to give yourself to someone new. The reality is, you may not be ready for that. Starting a new relationship will either breath life back into your heart or freak you the fuck out! It can feel great to be back in a relationship, it can make you realize that there are people far better out there. But on the other hand if you jump in too soon, it can fuck with your head and heart, so that neither are making the right decisions. Intimacy on a romantic level too soon after a break up may only remind you of your ex instead of being a great new feeling with a new person. Every person needs time to himself or herself, time to be single, time to try and forget. I have found it is in fact better to establish an intimate relationship with someone on a friendship level before jumping into intimacy on a romantic level. This is a difficult thing to do, and somewhere down the road, I will probably eat my own words. But building a friendship is a form of distance, because as I said, there are is no pressure, you can express the real you more and as time progresses, you will be more willing to open up to each other, because there isn’t the pressure to fulfill expectations as a lover. An open heart is dangerous. You should be guarded, you have every right to be. Being guarded is actually doing you a favor so that when you get comfortable with someone, you can strip down that wall and then when it comes to romance, everything falls into place.

“Each man is the architect of his own fate.” (Appius Claudius- Roman Statesmen) Fate will run its course properly regardless of what happens, but its all dependent on what you do. If you were meant to date, then you will, and you’ll know that you are and act on it. But on the other hand, your experiences could simply be a lesson learned to store in your memory bank about what to do and what not to do for the next time.

Just cause

Current mood: fuzzy, but happy

Music playing: Jeff Fitzgerald Emergency Door (you should all check him out, hes a friend of mine and hes rad!---> www.myspace.com/jefffitzgerald)




I decided to blog this morning just cause I felt like it; my head is still in a bit of a fuzz after last night, so I don't have many earth shattering, insightful things to say...its just that I haven't had the time to blog lately so I feel the need to throw one out there just for the hell of it!

Typically St. Patrick's day is spent with my good friend Neil, his birthday happens to fall on this day of all things green, and soggy cabbage with spiced meat. I found myself out of sorts with Neil out of town...its like a tradition to spend st. patty's day with him...what ever was I to do?? How about spend the night with three lovely ladies who happen to distribute Iron Horse in Texas. Sounds good, perhaps better then spending it with Neil... (sorry Neil, I would have invited you if you were here)

For those of you who know me, know that often times fumble on the goal line when it comes to the ladies. Don't get me wrong, I have game, I'm irresistibly charming :) (really I am) but when it comes to the end I choke, don't ask for a number, email, or sometimes if it is a very brief encounter, even a name.

Well this morning, I'm soaring with confidence, a few weeks ago I took the initiative to talk to this girl who I have seen several times at the winery, and made a good connection. This weekend, though Damon took the lead on Sunday, we met a few girls for drinks after work, we had a good time, but I left without phone numbers or emails...On Monday, when these three very cute and alluring ladies from Texas arrived at the horse, I was still waking up, but after spending an hour or more with them, I let them go, however... I did have their business cards that just happened to have their cell phones on it. I had to call... So I did, (I was going to text message, but I decided to make it a little more personal, and I was really attracted to one of the girls, so I decided to call her of course :) and to my surprise, they called back and wanted to hang out. (I briefly patted myself on the back for having the courage to call) Damon also later congratulated me for my efforts. After being in a 3 1/2 year relationship, I thought I might have lost my ability to woo the ladies, but as it turns out, it was just in hiding! So now, after a wonderful weekend that started with Pigs and Pinot (which is a whole other story I might have to blog about) and ended with a night in good company, my confidence is on the rise, so beware ladies, cause as I said, I am irresistibly charming!

In the end the best part of it all was probably just meeting some really good people that I will most likely keep in contact with and probably see again, possibly visit them in Texas, and being that they distribute our wine, they are sure to be back to the Horse at some point.

La Diada de Sant Jordi

An addendum to the previous Valentines Day post:

This is great, this is holiday with a good story and meaning behind it, minus all the B.S commercialism! Check it out

http://spanishjourneys.com/oliveme/2008/02/14/literate-love

Cynicism For Valentines Day

Current mood: Full of cynicism
Music Playing: The Decemberists, Picaresque

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a Valentines celebration just as much as anyone, who wouldn't a day full of love, gifts, chocolate and sex!? Because that’s all this fictitious holiday is about. Unfortunately, there are the occasional Valentines Day's where you can't help but play the devils advocate, be an ultimate cynic, and bash on this day of "love."

Things were much easier when we were kids; you made or purchased your valentines cards that you very carefully put inside the special valentines day pouches that you made to attach to the front of your desk, and of course you made a very special card and included some very special candy for that cute guy/girl that you had a crush on. Everything was butterflies and roses, and there wasn't any heartbreak or money wasted on expensive, ruinous Valentines plans.

It's really quite disgusting when you think about it, how commercialized Valentines day is (or should I say extortion day); even in our youth, we are supposed to buy candy and cards for our schoolmates. Now as adults, the sky is the limit; chocolate, lingerie, flowers, jewelry, candles, and expensive dinners. It is as if Valentines is the one-day out of the year where everyone has an opportunity to be the greatest, most charming lover. What about the other 364 days out of the year? You can be a total asshole boyfriend, but some how, on this one-day in February, you become prince charming because you got some flowers and dinner reservations at her favorite French bistro in town. Don't get me wrong here...I am the epitome of a hopeless romantic and I've had my share of big, romantic surprises, but the difference is, I would go out of my way to try and one up myself each time I did something, regardless of whether it was Valentines day or not. How about surprising her on say a Tuesday in the middle of November!? But the majority of you assholes out there make out like bandits by remembering that your girlfriend likes roses? Give me an f'ing break! Her favorite flower isn't roses, its lilies, but you get away with roses, cause its Valentines day! And don't think I've forgotten about you ladies...you act as if this is a holiday for you, all you need to do is to show up, accept the flowers and put something sexy on at the end of the night. Lets not forget that according to general research on dating behavior, the period between the December holidays and Valentine's Day is National Break-up Season when people are more than twice as likely to think about breaking up than at any other time of the year, so Valentines day works as a make or break day for lovers... but then again, even if your lover is capable of pulling off some sort of romantic feat, it's all just a ruse, a temporary fix to your already diminishing relationship. (Ouch that one hurt... but alas, tis true)

On a side note, I have to applaud Victoria's Secret for their strategically placed ad during the Super Bowl. The bowl is always the first week of February, which is just weeks before V-day; if you're going to exploit the commercialism of the holiday, at least make the effort of some marketing genius to understand that there are millions of dumb asses out there, who have yet to plan ahead for V-day.

I don't present this cynicism for the simple fact that I have no one to spoil this Valentines Day, it's because it truly is a holiday that has become overly exploited by the United States marketplace. I challenge you to do something incredibly romantic and memorable for your partner without spending a fortune; without flowers, without chocolate; do something original and see how much more appreciated it is received, because sometimes it's the simplest things that make the greatest impact. Flowers wither, and candy will rot your teeth, so where’s the romance in that?

What would Saint Valentine (or Valentine's I should say) think of all this madness of credit card tenders at Hallmarks, See's and florists across the nation? According to thebostonchannel.com American males will spend an average $135.66 on V-day related items this year, while women will spend $68.64. Some sources say the Valentine linked to romance is Valentine of Rome, others say Valentine of Terni; either way, the holiday was established for Christian martyrs named Valentine, and there were in fact 11 recognized Valentines day by the Catholic church. The day only became associated with romantic love in the circle of Chaucer, during the tradition of courtly love, "For this was on seynt Volantynys day Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese [choose] his make [mate]."-Chaucer, Parlement of Foules.

On this day, also know as "Singles awareness day," I will celebrate the fact that I have something pink to enjoy...Brut Rose of course!

Missing My GT200

Current mood: Nostalgic
Music playing: Michael Franti and Spearhead, Yell Fire!


After weeks of drooling, rainy weather, the sun has reappeared, its warm and inviting, and it makes me miss my Vespa! :(

The weather is just too nice, and will only continue to get better, and not only do I have to suffer being trapped in a steel cage with wheels, my GT200 pal is unable to enjoy the refreshing weather as well. Actually, other then when its raining, it probably sees the sun more then I do, sitting at the store front, begging to be taken out on the open road! For those of you who have ever had to let go of a favorite car or motorcycle or scooter can empathize with me on this one; you miss it like you miss a loved one. Much like a break up with a significant other, it’s like having a constant source for sexual gratification, and then its gone and you have to move on without it cold turkey. On day's like today you yearn for the opportunity to throw a helmet on and take off with reckless abandon, just to ride around all day; take it to run your daily errands, ride it to work, to school, or just for a joy ride through the countryside.

Sigh.....

Someday soon I hope to form a new Vespa relationship, and though I'll still have fond memories of my ex-Vespa, that new Vespa will be fresh, shiny and beautiful and give me plenty of enjoyment and new memories. Until then, I'll have to just daydream about that day and hope that soon, someone will give my store front Vespa a new home and it will give lots of new happiness and memories to someone well deserving.

Don't let your past decide your future

Current Mood: Tired
Music playing: Random, everything on my project playlist

It has been too long without a computer...And though I planned on waiting until I got my computer back full of music and saved links etc. to use at my disposal, my mind simply could not wait. There's a notebook full of ideas and thoughts that have been brewing in my head and one of them must be unleashed into the blog!

After such a grand intro...on with the blogging!

"Don't let your past decide your future."-Frederick R. Bliss

I was mindlessly flipping through a magazine while waiting for dinner to bake in the oven when I came across an article that struck me. I had recently been thinking a lot about the tumultuous last year and so when I came across this very interesting article, I knew I had to get my thoughts about it down. The title, "The Biology of Loss;" The article discussed the profound negative effect personal events can have on the brain. The article mentions a research in which 75,000 companies were traced by their performance 2 years before and after the CEO had experienced a family death. The statistics: financial performance declined 20% after the loss of a child, 15% after the lost of a spouse and 10% after the lost of other family members. The study showed that people that are grieving have increased activity in a very broad network of neurons linked with mood and memory as well as perception, conceptualization and the regulation of the heart and other vital organs. The more one dwells on the negatives, the more developed the pathways for the neurons become causing chronic preoccupation, sadness and depression.

It makes sense that the brain is inadvertently affected by how much you allow yourself to delve into matters in your head. When you think about how hard it is to move on after the loss of someone in your life whether it be because of death or other reasons, you feel the changes in your body; your heart literally aches, you don't feel hunger and everything makes you cry! So many people are driven to drugs to calm the nerves or are driven insane by their perpetual thought process, or even worse are driven to doing harm to themselves because they cannot find any other outlet for their frustration and depression.

I started thinking about my life, the lives of others I've known and wondered; if we live too much in the past tense does our present tense become indistinguishable?

I had my share of personal issues to deal with over the past year; no deaths, but death was on my mind with a few of my own family members and a multitude of other stresses of life. I remember engrossing myself in a negative state of mind, worrying, constantly, about others, about myself, about life. Even when things slowly got put behind me, I had trouble letting go. The grief I was putting myself through expanded the channels for those neurons to travel and I literally lost touch with reality; the past and present tense was one of the same, and the future tense did not exist. I've known people in similar situations, the only difference was the future didn't exist because they made it not exist, permanently... I completely agree that such extreme grief can cause the brain to act in certain ways; I definitely had an altered state of perception and I was often unhappy and depressed. Unfortunately this inadvertently affected the people around me...

If we constantly think about the past, how are we to move forward? We cant, we are unable to live in the present while dwelling on the past. We will always let opportunities and people pass us by because we're trying so hard to change the past that we create a false idea of what the present is and what the future is. Our perception of what is going on around us becomes so skewed that we eventually know no other alternative and the channels grow wider... If grieving has the capability of altering our mood, and even the productivity of our organs it makes living each day all the more difficult and if you don't seize every day then you just aren't living. Living in your past is like being trapped inside a bubble watching the rest of the world pass you by.

I remember an episode of Scrubs in which JD says, "every day is made up of tiny little tests;" as simple of a thought as this is, its incredibly relevant. We can't live in a world of what if's and why's because you can never answer the questions to the test correctly if you're constantly thinking about the what if's and the why's. "In the end it's the what if's that hurt the most." I've quoted Jeanette Winterson's book Written on the Body before, but in this case, the meaning of the what if's changes; the what if's hurt the brain, not just the heart. The what if's and the why's are past tense and when there is an overflow of them in your vocabulary and in your though process it makes it hard to distinguish what you are trying to live for each day. "My biggest fear will be the rescue of me."-Incubus. I've been able to find myself in a much better place then what I have been; yes, it took losing myself, losing friends and mending a broken heart to reach this place, to find myself, but it feels good to be back in my skin again. The past is now only relevant in that I passed one major test; I needed to feel those lows and I needed to experience those struggles so that I can stand here now, having learned and grown and not worry about looking backwards, instead look forward modifying the present tense for a better future.

The past doesn't have to affect you if you don't allow it. Optimism is the best answer to fighting living in the past tense; you have to understand that what happened, happened for a reason and you can't change that, nor can you avoid the daily stresses of life, because as one man once said so eloquently, "Shit happens." That's the thing about life, you really don't have any control over it; what you do have is control over yourself and the decisions you make and so you have to be grateful for what you did have, what you shared with the people that are no longer in your life and remember that the heart of life is good.

All The Fish In The Sea

Current Mood: Pensive with a hint of cynicism
Music Playing: Jimmy Eat World, Chase This Light

I've always hated when people tell you not to get down about breaking up with a significant other, that there are so many other fish in the sea. Well sometimes finding that "big catch" is a lot harder then just throwing your line in the water. Dating is a lot like catch and release fishing. You catch a lot of fish and sometimes they aren't worth keeping so you throw them back. What people don't tell you is that when you catch that "big one" and you have to eventually throw it back...its still out there and you have to measure its grandeur against all the other fish that come along and tug on your line. If there are so many fish in the sea, why then do we play the game of catch and release? I guess if we kept every fish we would find that some are not worth saving, some are too small, or have an additional fin, or are full of parasites. Also, there are different kinds of fish out there; there are an estimated 15,304 species and an estimated 5,000 still undiscovered. (For real, I looked it up) Do you want to bring home a marlin or a dogfish? The answer seems easy enough... A fisherman's greatest story is about how they captured that magnificent twenty-pounder; they struggled to reel it in, and once having it, they appreciated its entirety... only to let it go. Maybe the fisherman's greatest burden is that there are so many fish in the sea...Well lets think about this (and for those of you that aren't following, we're not comparing fish to people, but fishing to dating, you dig?) We go through the struggle and we put the fish through an arduous struggle, and yet you would think it would be worth it, for the both of you to keep the fish... but no, we instead throw it back and continue to battle other mighty fish out there. Why do we fish anyway? People have devised ways for us to fish without even casting a line (dating services). Does it always make sense to walk away if we can't bring ourselves to keeping the fish? "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime." (Chinese Proverb) Anybody can catch a fish, but if you learn the ins and outs of fishing, what spots to fish at, what kind of bait to use etc. maybe you can eat for a lifetime off that one big catch. Who knows, maybe its worth losing a lot of big fish and hoping for another big one on your last cast of the day...then maybe you bring that one home...

Organics vs. Conventional

Current mood: Contemplative, upset and slightly tired
Music Playing: The Decemberists, Her Majesty & Foo Fighters, Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace


I was reading the most recent blog from Epicurious titled, "Elitism in the Green Movement: Michael Pollan, the author of The Omnivore's Dilemma and Dan Barber, chef from Blue Hill in Manhattan were part of a panel called "Hedonistic, Healthy and Green: Can We Have It All? in New York earlier this week. What they had to say got me thinking about food; specifically organics vs. conventional. First of all why do we have to label real food as organic and the other conventional? By definition, pertaining to the appropriate usage for calling food "conventional," conventional = conforming or adhering to accepted standards, as of conduct or taste/ pertaining to convention or general agreement; established by general consent or accepted usage; arbitrarily determined. How did spraying chemicals on our vegetables become an accepted standard? Who agreed to that? Apparently, it was done "arbitrarily." It hardly makes sense that we have to pay more for local organic produce then for something that was sprayed with chemicals and was transported from Chile. At the cost of oil, shouldn't it cost more do do this? Now conventional produce is the "general accepted" use, and organics is supposed to be for the more affluent population. Unfortunately the majority of us can hardly afford to spend the additional money to buy "real food." I try to buy organic whenever possible, and especially local stuff, but sometimes you have to draw the line somewhere, when the cost is so absurd, you can't bring yourself to pay $7.99 a lb. for organic asparagus. Pollan argued that, "cheap food is artificially cheap...the solution, vote with our forks and vote with our votes." Unfortunately most recently for us Sonoma County folk, measure M, could have been the start to something big around here; but sadly there were too many smart deficient people that didn't take the time to read the measure and comprehend what they were voting for, and the measure was voted down. But there needs to be something that changes via the vehicle of legislation. We either need to improve the standards of "conventional," or the government needs to understand that food is expensive, and there needs to be an improvement to the living wage so we can afford to eat better. The blog also touched on the possibility of eating cloned animals. Where do we have to draw the line to make this insanity stop? It's bad enough that we have allowed there to be a division of food, how far will we have to go to eat meat from a real animal? The author of the blog, Megan O. Steintrager, argues, "Organic will become unattainably pricey for most families, and there are millions who won't have any option other than feeding these faux animals to their children." Is anyone else absolutely repulsed by this thought? I can imagine my visits to the grocery store, deciphering between faux, conventional and organic steaks. The treatment of animals in slaughterhouses is bad enough, now I have to decide whether I can afford the extra 8 dollars a pound or whatever it might be to make sure I'm not ingesting meat with growth hormones or some crazy genetically altered matter that has created this rib eye! Why should we have to prioritize and put our rent, or house payment and paying to keep the house warm and lit over what we put into our bodies everyday? Somehow I see the future of food worsening and I fear for us all...

Every Woman Has The Exact Love Life She Wants

Current Mood: Groggy
Music Playing: Death Cab For Cutie, Transatlanticism


I'm not ashamed to admit that every once in awhile, I enjoy watching a "good chick flick." Now there is a fine line between what is considered a good and bad chick flick, and so when I say "good" I really mean a good romantic comedy. The other day I was watching "The Wedding Date;" a decent romantic comedy, but it was on TV, and I had been sick all weekend, and I needed a break from the non-stop soccer marathon I had been taking part in. I remembered seeing it once before and thinking that it wasn't too bad of a movie; the plot is rather simple; girl hires male escort to make ex jealous, and ends up falling for him, and along the way they have a little squabble, but inevitably end up together in the end. There was one quote that seemed to encompass the theme of the movie, "Every woman has the exact love life she wants." And so I starting thinking...hummmmm... Perhaps this true... There are many different types of women in the world, and each one has a different "ideal" love life. Kurt Vonnegut once said, "We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." You can't pretend to be someone you're not, because the truth will eventually show through. Some women may think they are one way, when in fact they are another; I know this to be true because I have seen it many times. The same can be said for relationships; some enjoy not settling down and living the single life, some play the waiting game, waiting for Mr. Right to come along, some seem as though they can't survive without a partner and so they hop from relationship to relationship never settling because they can't commit, and then there are the types that once they find true love they grab hold of it and get married. Guy's take note here, this is why women are so complicated, this is why you can't get certain girls to commit or jump into bed with you. I will speak on behalf of the male species in saying that we typically know what kind of love life we want too, but the difference is that we tend to make our intentions known. But it is, in fact our job as guys to find out what exactly it is that women want; this is crucial guys, we have the power to transform any girl into something different. Now I say this with benevolent intentions; we can reconstruct what she wants out of her love life by being an unequaled counterpart. It takes a work of consummate skill to do so; and often we are too fearful of the female species because they appear so elusive that we often don't ever reach that point of female enlightenment. But it's all about what the woman needs, and if she just needs a body to make her feel secure and comfortable, then thats all you will ever be, unless you show her otherwise. You show her what she's missing in her love life, and her love life changes... When a woman finds a guy who constantly reminds her of how beautiful she is, who will lie under the stars and listen to her heartbeat, or stay awake just to watch her sleep... who kisses her forehead, who thinks she's just as beautiful without makeup on, one who constantly reminds her of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have her, she has no choice but to change her love life, because once she has that, she won’t ever want to not have it. To the female cynics out there, you're love life is what you make it, and somewhere inside every woman is the desire to make one lucky man her last great romance."If you'd rather give up then try, then you will never find anything worth fighting for."(I think this was from a Scrubs episode) I thought I had found myself in one woman's last great romance, but as it turns out, she wanted to give up rather then try. But maybe she's got the love life she wants, maybe she's a relationship hopper, and when I thought I had completed my construction, she jumped ship. But thats the problem with relationship hoppers is that sometimes the best thing they've found is staring them right in the face yet they still let go, because thats all they've ever known. It took me awhile to realize that even though it was love, it may not have been everything I wanted..."Sometimes you have to get to know someone really well to realize you're really strangers." (Mary Tyler Moore) I'm at the point where I'm wondering if that made any sense at all or whether it was one long stream of consciousness/diatribe. Who knows...

Plan For Tomorrow

Current Mood: Pensive
Music Playing: Radiohead, In Rainbows

It has been a year that I would much rather just forget… 2007 started with high hopes; I really began to appreciate the people that I was surrounded with, I looked to the future with a positive outlook and an ideal girlfriend to share it with. The end of 2006 and moving into 2007 saw some difficulties, a very ill sister and myself, in a struggle to find my scholastic identity. Things didn’t get any better for my sister in 2007, and it wasn’t before long that my dad turned up in the hospital, and it wasn’t long after that, that I found myself in the hospital. During this time, I finally started to feel good about school, but there were many other things that began to compound causing so much internal strife that I slowly found myself withdrawing into my head and no one was allowed in. I don’t know how I ever let myself become so despondent, but it festered and I became a person that I didn’t know existed, a person that I hope never returns. After such an optimistic outlook for 2007, between the health of others and myself and the thinning relationships with family, friends and girlfriend, I worked myself into a crestfallen coma that I nearly never woke up from. As hard as it was to endure, the break up of a relationship that I thought would last forever was the tipping point to set things in motion to breathe life back into my vacant soul and heart. I spent the better part of two months extremely inconsolable because in the blink of an eye, I lost everything, a best friend and lover, a home, a second family, friends, everything… My life was completely altered. While watching one of my favorite Scrubs episodes, I found a morsel of encouragement. In the Scrubs musical episode, a patient hears everything in song, and just before she goes in for surgery, everyone sings the song, “What’s going to happen;” the lines that are repeated over and over again are, “everything’s ok…nothings going to happen…plan for tomorrow…because you’re going to be ok.” I found myself so moved by this song that the waterworks started flowing, but as embarrassed as I am to admit that the last show/movie that I watched that made me cry was Scrubs, it's actually kind of humorous. It was this song that motivated me to lift my spirits because everything was going to be ok. During those two months I realized the importance of friends, and how powerful an impact they make on your life; I reconnected with old friends, even went to visit one in Portland, made new friends, and reinforced the friendships that I already had. I started seeing a therapist to help me get through this rough patch and help me realize things about others, and myself, and how to keep from reverting back to such a dark place. I found solace in writing, something I had forgot about doing. I loved to write, but had I got away from it for so long, and it was invigorating to dive back into a notebook with pen in hand. Writing helped me more then I could ever fathom; I blogged and I journaled and wrote more poetry in the last four months then I probably had in the past three years. In the end, 2007 went out in a rather un-exciting fashion, and it was rather fitting that it be so. New Years Eve encompassed what 2007 was all about, a few highlights, but mostly pretty shitty! I had an incredible dinner, had a few drinks at a bar with friends and ended up at a party where upon walking in the door I nearly got in a fight with a tight pants drunk hipster; Neil got attacked and nicknamed “hot dog” by some drunk thirty something Annie look-alike, but overall it was a rather uneventful and drab evening. But the way 2007 has ended has kept me hopeful for 2008, because it can only get better and everything is going to be ok. I’m emotionally stronger and healthier then I’ve been in some time I’m looking forward to the coming semester and meeting more new faces and living a whole new kind of life. There are already plans in the works for a two-week European vacation with Neil and possibly others, I’m continuing to write on a regular basis, and don’t be surprised if you find Neil playing an acoustic set with me singing the songs that we wrote in a coffee shop somewhere in 2008. I got an email this morning from a family member of some things that George Carlin said about the state of humanity that I found rather fitting to starting a new year. So I will close this blog with a few quotes from that… “We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness…. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often... We've added years to life not life to years…We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less…Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind…AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” So to everyone; remember to breathe life in everyday, because you only get to live your life once, so make the best of every day. So goodbye to 2007, you have been rather unkind, but there’s so much more to live for in 2008.