Do we need distance in order to get close?

Current mood: Restless

Music playing: Justin Nozuka Holly

Has it really been like three months since my last blog? Amazing how life can fly by when you're so busy. I've spent the first month of my summer break enjoying life, but one thing I told myself I needed to get back into was writing, after all, that's what I am, and what kind of writer doesn't write?

I’ve had a lot of things to ponder about over the past three months, so much so that I had a hard time narrowing something down and focusing so as not to go off on multiple tangents. With that being said, lets begin, shall we?

“Be still, sad heart, and cease repining; behind the clouds the sun is shining; thy fate is the common fate of all, into each life some rain must fall, some days must be dark and dreary.” (Henry Wadsworth)


Do we need distance in order to get close?


There is not a simple answer to this question, but as the saying goes, you can’t see the forest for the trees; sometimes when you are close, you have to back up and gain some perspective in order to get close again. Stripping down the "relationship" customs could potentially allow you to become closer because there are no eggshells to walk on. When you begin to date someone, there is a lot of pressure put upon you to do, say, and feel certain things. You are in a situation where you must be open with that person, but you often don’t say things in fear of making waves. When you establish a friendship first, you can get to know each other without any constraints or inhibitions. Often times (I can speak from experience) your first relationship after dating can become troublesome because you are too guarded and so there are a lot of things that you neglect to say. You become so guarded after getting burned; you can't let yourself in to your new partner. It’s an exciting feeling to be back dating and have those butterflies come back, and have zealous emotions when you see that special someone, but you have to sloooooow dooooown! Your heart is saying jump right in, it feels great, but your heart and head are always going to be in conflict with each other, and you have to listen to your head sometimes… Charlotte Bronte once said, "Look twice before you leap." I say, look three times. You have to be cautious, your heart is to precious a thing to throw out there and allow to be exposed.

Is it possible to move from relationship, to friends, and back into a relationship? Of course, everything happens for a reason and timing is everything, “Everything comes gradually at its appointed hour.” (Ovid) Perhaps being friends is the best thing that you can do in order to get back to being in a relationship. Distancing the romance could create a new romance in the future. If there was a spark in the beginning, that spark will remain until you put it out; but you can’t very well sustain that spark when your head and your heart aren’t ready to emotionally invest themselves in it.

After mourning the loss of a relationship, you try to find the motivation to look and feel better and when you finally do, you can’t wait to give yourself to someone new. The reality is, you may not be ready for that. Starting a new relationship will either breath life back into your heart or freak you the fuck out! It can feel great to be back in a relationship, it can make you realize that there are people far better out there. But on the other hand if you jump in too soon, it can fuck with your head and heart, so that neither are making the right decisions. Intimacy on a romantic level too soon after a break up may only remind you of your ex instead of being a great new feeling with a new person. Every person needs time to himself or herself, time to be single, time to try and forget. I have found it is in fact better to establish an intimate relationship with someone on a friendship level before jumping into intimacy on a romantic level. This is a difficult thing to do, and somewhere down the road, I will probably eat my own words. But building a friendship is a form of distance, because as I said, there are is no pressure, you can express the real you more and as time progresses, you will be more willing to open up to each other, because there isn’t the pressure to fulfill expectations as a lover. An open heart is dangerous. You should be guarded, you have every right to be. Being guarded is actually doing you a favor so that when you get comfortable with someone, you can strip down that wall and then when it comes to romance, everything falls into place.

“Each man is the architect of his own fate.” (Appius Claudius- Roman Statesmen) Fate will run its course properly regardless of what happens, but its all dependent on what you do. If you were meant to date, then you will, and you’ll know that you are and act on it. But on the other hand, your experiences could simply be a lesson learned to store in your memory bank about what to do and what not to do for the next time.

Every Woman Has The Exact Love Life She Wants

Current Mood: Groggy
Music Playing: Death Cab For Cutie, Transatlanticism


I'm not ashamed to admit that every once in awhile, I enjoy watching a "good chick flick." Now there is a fine line between what is considered a good and bad chick flick, and so when I say "good" I really mean a good romantic comedy. The other day I was watching "The Wedding Date;" a decent romantic comedy, but it was on TV, and I had been sick all weekend, and I needed a break from the non-stop soccer marathon I had been taking part in. I remembered seeing it once before and thinking that it wasn't too bad of a movie; the plot is rather simple; girl hires male escort to make ex jealous, and ends up falling for him, and along the way they have a little squabble, but inevitably end up together in the end. There was one quote that seemed to encompass the theme of the movie, "Every woman has the exact love life she wants." And so I starting thinking...hummmmm... Perhaps this true... There are many different types of women in the world, and each one has a different "ideal" love life. Kurt Vonnegut once said, "We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." You can't pretend to be someone you're not, because the truth will eventually show through. Some women may think they are one way, when in fact they are another; I know this to be true because I have seen it many times. The same can be said for relationships; some enjoy not settling down and living the single life, some play the waiting game, waiting for Mr. Right to come along, some seem as though they can't survive without a partner and so they hop from relationship to relationship never settling because they can't commit, and then there are the types that once they find true love they grab hold of it and get married. Guy's take note here, this is why women are so complicated, this is why you can't get certain girls to commit or jump into bed with you. I will speak on behalf of the male species in saying that we typically know what kind of love life we want too, but the difference is that we tend to make our intentions known. But it is, in fact our job as guys to find out what exactly it is that women want; this is crucial guys, we have the power to transform any girl into something different. Now I say this with benevolent intentions; we can reconstruct what she wants out of her love life by being an unequaled counterpart. It takes a work of consummate skill to do so; and often we are too fearful of the female species because they appear so elusive that we often don't ever reach that point of female enlightenment. But it's all about what the woman needs, and if she just needs a body to make her feel secure and comfortable, then thats all you will ever be, unless you show her otherwise. You show her what she's missing in her love life, and her love life changes... When a woman finds a guy who constantly reminds her of how beautiful she is, who will lie under the stars and listen to her heartbeat, or stay awake just to watch her sleep... who kisses her forehead, who thinks she's just as beautiful without makeup on, one who constantly reminds her of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have her, she has no choice but to change her love life, because once she has that, she won’t ever want to not have it. To the female cynics out there, you're love life is what you make it, and somewhere inside every woman is the desire to make one lucky man her last great romance."If you'd rather give up then try, then you will never find anything worth fighting for."(I think this was from a Scrubs episode) I thought I had found myself in one woman's last great romance, but as it turns out, she wanted to give up rather then try. But maybe she's got the love life she wants, maybe she's a relationship hopper, and when I thought I had completed my construction, she jumped ship. But thats the problem with relationship hoppers is that sometimes the best thing they've found is staring them right in the face yet they still let go, because thats all they've ever known. It took me awhile to realize that even though it was love, it may not have been everything I wanted..."Sometimes you have to get to know someone really well to realize you're really strangers." (Mary Tyler Moore) I'm at the point where I'm wondering if that made any sense at all or whether it was one long stream of consciousness/diatribe. Who knows...